Revision Plan

Revise:

• My first paragraph needs work. I should grab my reader’s attention and let them into my characters state of mind. I want to captivate my audience from the beginning and throw them into the plot and into my characters world.
• I need to make more connections for the reader and use more transitions so it is easier to follow and understand my story.
• I need to make sure I guide my reader in the same direction so that all my points come together to create a larger picture and one main point.
• I need to “unpack” my ideas and explain them more so that my reader understands why I am telling them certain things and what it has to do with the theme of my story.
• In my final paragraph I must make my point more clear and emphasize what I learned from my experience. I need to explain why my story is important and what others can learn from it as well.

Edit:

• I need to remember FANBOYS. I use commas too often and rely on them too much in my sentences. I should know when to use semi-colons instead.
• I should use more powerful words than “it, this, that, you.” These will bore my audience and leave them feeling unsatisfied with my language.
• I use “thing” a lot as well, and this is very unclear and can confuse my audience. I need to define my “things."